Texas Angels pt. 2
The follow-up to my last essay is about the extension of the love my family emanates and the space they prepare.
“Hey Siri: play ‘Dreams’ by Van Halen”
There was a version of this essay where I mirror the list of the ways that I have stretched my family’s love in the previous piece, with ways in which others have proven that strain was too great.
My issue though is that it focused on what was lost, & centered on the behaviors I have learned to be harmful and unhelpful.
While I do believe in expressing and feeling into all emotions (not a fan of labeling them ‘good’ or ‘bad’ anymore), I believe it’s possible to name them and shift toward the ones that feel most authentic. This, to me, is a key difference between leading with emotions and spiritual bypassing.
spiritual bypassing: circumventing someone’s embodied experience through the use of spirituality.
I’m not in that space in this season of life and the whole purpose of this recent arc of posts and essays was to celebrate folx while centering on joy, gratitude, and love.
As I shared recently, I’m in a season of gratitude and joy, and I am working to embody those emotions in my work.
I can’t think of a better way to do that than to brag on my extended family on my mom’s side a bit. Some more of the Texas Angels in my life.
When I center them, I’m reminded of how anytime others proved that I was too much — they proved that I was still welcome.
In fact, the extended family that welcomes me — many very much an extension of my mom — has really never made me feel explicitly unwelcome in any way at any point in my life.
My stories of playing with My Little Ponies & strawberry shortcake dolls include them.
My stories of dressing up in my mom's clothes include them too.
My stories of speaking up and speaking out my beliefs when they matched theirs — and when they didn’t — include them as well.
Yet I was always made to feel welcome.
And yes — when I formerly came out and started sharing more of this Queer life with the world. When I confirmed that I was ‘the enemy’ by the worldview of our upbringing, I was still welcome.
Even now as my focus, my work, and my lived faith become more embodied and aligned to create space for Queer folx. To continually work to reclaim my faith from White Supremacy. To educate on the dangers of Christian Nationalism. I’m still welcome.
I would be remiss not to share that this extended family includes loved ones from a previous marriage that my parents have informally adopted through love as grandchildren.
You see dear reader — at a time in my life when I was living into the image of what I believed Christian Nationalism would want me to be as a straight (lol), White man, I had a rigid interpretation of love, and of family.
Who was worthy of it and who was not,
and I have to be honest that it did not include anyone that didn’t share my genetics. But I am so glad a true god has shown me how false that lie is over the years.
Both gently and harshly, She had to pull me asunder here and there, submerging me into the lived realities of others who my upbringing taught me were ‘other,’ to get the message across. All while holding me in Her hands.
Always proving time and again She was not letting go.
Speaking of the feminine Divine, I’d also be remiss to not point out that all of this is possible by way of the space my mom and dad create at their home, and in their presence.
While our household was similar to so many others across rural Texas growing up, in terms of going with the current of the Moral Majority that equated being Christian with being Republican, among a multitude of other sins, that is no longer the case.
In fact, they have both explicit and implicit messaging throughout the house signaling that they value the dignity of all humans, welcome anyone who feels like an outcast, and are committed to loving in ways they would want to be loved themselves. In a land where Christian nationalism has so much of a hold on ways of being, I believe that is the kind of radical act the real Jesus that actually walked on this earth could get behind.
It is an embodied example of rejecting the White-skinned, blue-eyed Jesus who patrols the streets carrying AR-15s labeling anyone different as the enemy and living into the inclusive love of the cosmic Spirit.
To circle back to these Texas angels in my extended family, I’m sharing how much I love them.
They’ve proven time and again that in a land where sincerely held religious beliefs are being used to justify denying presence with folx like me, they want me there.
In a culture that doesn’t want to name or acknowledge the word ‘gay,’ they ask how Grant is when he isn’t with me on a trip home.
In a state that makes it extremely easy to murder a Queer person without punishment, they don’t carry in my presence.
And yes, I’ve been to family gatherings where hands were placed on firearms for the duration of any time I was in the room.
With that said, I think it’s time for a disclaimer: there are most certainly members of my extended family on my dad’s side — as well as friends and chosen family — that embody all of what I am sharing — meaning these words apply to them too. Sharing more of my writings recently has thankfully reminded me of that.
I’m simply centering the family on my mother's side due to recent family gatherings and a wedding that have involved them.
But that does bring me to my larger point with the recent work I have been sharing. I believe that these types of connections are possible with focused attention on our ways of being and how we impact each other. Work that I have referred to as living authentically and creating space for others to do so as well.
I’m planning on taking the essays I share on my website (www.bravenewlove.com) and my essays on Medium in different places soon, but I have shared these two on both because they are so integral to my work.
The core of who I am so to speak.
To address the livestock — donkeys, elephants — in the digital room, none of the above is dependent on any control of how someone votes.
And as a survivor of religious abuse, I have to name that my utilization of the title Christian does not include any attachment or desire to change or control what someone does or believes.
Rather, I’ve learned through so many valuable experiences that when I let go and let God — a common term used for spiritual bypassing — She always surprises me by showing me:
- what is possible when love is unconditional and that
- angels walk among us in all forms.
- That Her love is stronger than my imagination and
- Their reach is more vast than mine could ever be.
Most importantly, She teaches me that regardless of whatever has my mind or heart racing, I will always be held. That I will always be welcome.
To conclude this thing for everyone — including those readers still with us who, understandably, believe god is made up — I just want to say that as a Texan I understand how it can feel like those of us who don’t hold the Christian Nationalism worldview don’t belong.
That’s why I’ve taken to letting as many people know far and wide that this 9th generation Texan, from a family of welcoming Texans, wants you to know that you are welcome here.
See, my grandmother, Janice Norreen McCullough, has traced our family history back to the original 300 folx who settled Texas, and all the angels I have been speaking about in these last two essays are included in that lineage.
We are Texans in every sense of that identity. The good, the bad, and the in between.
So with the power granted to me as a 9th-generation Texan, I declare that you are welcome, you are needed, and you belong in this state.
To the extent that you are able, live an embodied life that includes movement, organizing, and being you in any and all ways you see fit to share.
If you are interested in organizing to create space for others to live authentically, coaching or facilitation services focused on embodied faith, or building community, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me at lance@bravenewlove.com
